Deep Desires

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If you’ve been a reader here, you know I took a hiatus. I jumped the reality ship and went for a walk. I announced I was going to write, alone, near water. But first, I was going to try to get clear on some things. Like what was supposed to happen in my life after all of this writing and silence.

New Year’s Eve 2013 I spent alone in a farmhouse. It snowed. And snowed. I ate soup. And paced. And shoveled snow. I also walked circles around my notebook. Yes, small tight circles to match the tightness in my chest.

I knew this was big. Important. Monumental. I blamed, of course, fear of losing everything. Struggling alone. Whatever ridiculous ego babble could be inserted here and fit the story.

What was in the notebook?

A little chapter, a sneak peek at Danielle LaPorte’s work. In all honesty, I think it was worksheets from the Fire Starter Sessions. I had made some copies from emails and her website and brought them with me to this farmhouse to sit in the snow and the silence and GETSOMEWHEREWITHMYLIFEALREADY.

Been there? It doesn’t always pop up on your gps screen, but you know it when you feel it.

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I burned hundreds of calories shoveling snow. I don’t even know how many times I went outside that day. I was grateful that the flakes kept falling because I couldn’t sit. I could deal with a shovel in my hand. I knew what it would do. Move snow. The pen. The pen could tell me things I didn’t believe I was ready to hear. 

That’s not even it. Not really. Because hearing things is just hearing them. It’s the knowing, the knowing that leads to acting that freezes us. We make it about responsibility, as if we create the light within us. (The more I practice this art, I am absolutely convinced it isn’t me, it isn’t about me, and I’m glad.)

(confession: I just did a lap around the kitchen, because, well, that’s what I do when things get hot.)

So. After the shoveling, I did it. I sat my fanny down on the carpet with pens and sticky notes and the notebook . I read. I decided there were bits that didn’t pertain to me (hello, ego). I ended up with 4 sticky notes. 4 words.

Joy

Freedom

Laughter

Growth

Because I knew that I knew that I knew job titles didn’t matter. Zipcodes are irrelevant to me. If I got to the finish line feeling the same way I did when I started, the race was a waste of time.

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Did you make a list of resolutions this year? Do you know why? Why you even made the list?

Are you curious about the process that had me shoveling snow in the freezing cold, instead of answering questions? Check out the Desire Map for yourself.

Today, Danielle LaPorte launches an amazing opportunity for those with a teaching and sharing mindset. You can now lead your own Desire Map workshops through her Desire Map Licensing program. Go here for all the details.

What’s your why? List your words of core desired feelings in the comments below.

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