I’ve had a nightmare. Had plenty of them. This is the most recent. My mind works out my days under the kinder light of the moon.
Waking, my mind pulls that string of thoughts out from under the comforter of night and my delusions that nightmares are not real. The dream, the reconfiguration of daylight truth, tells me that we all bribe someone, sometime. We cover up. Believing that one good thing makes up for one bad thing. Life math.
No thing makes up for something. No one thing amends the other. Rewriting history is an excuse we use in the present. Amendments only work for what is next. They do not heal. The amendment makes the story read different today. Nothing makes the story read different in the past.
Forgiveness covers the sin. The One who is Alpha and Omega finishes the story by healing the past in the present so that ending is what He wrote in the beginning.
As I write through these narratives, recording the dream, I notice I am rocking. Or rather, I am being rocked. I think to myself, “stop”, stop the motion. It doesn’t happen. The rocking hasn’t soothed me yet and so my back continues to be strapped to the metronome and continues its swaying.
I think, “I canot write and rock.” There is a sadness in thinking that I would want this rocking to cease.
As the swaying slows and gets smaller and smaller, I know that it is not the last time.
I can’t back space or delete my way out of these stories. I cannot post a happy photo at the top and hope to persuade you that the story has a light feeling to it.
Forgiveness is the bridge over the chasm of the sin. We are incapable of building such a structure. The sin carved the canyon. Forgiveness made the way to keep going.