I used to be a peeker. You know. When you are 6 and waiting 8. more.days.until.Christmas is about to send you over the edge into craziness. You have driven your mother over that same boundary at least two days before. You are absolutely, positively, 112% sure that Santa wants you to get a hint about that very large snowman paper covered gift tucked mostly behind the tree.
It has your name on it.
You know this because you conned your sisters into an early morning gift exploring expedition. They were the two who dug through the boxes to peek at the one in the back while you ran recon at the door to the living room. Mostly, you had at least one foot in the bathroom so that should your mother come down the hall, you could conveniently be on your way in to brush your teeth. They would pay the price for your need to know.
My anticipation at this time of year has lessened, if only a little. My desperate anticipation has lessened. My eagerness and the silly 6 year old giddy over gifts is still present. (pardon the pun)
A gift arrived on my desk at work yesterday.
The peeking craving came with it. The gift giver had typed my name on the envelope. And only part of the gift was wrapped. This. Half wrapped and typewritten is torture for us peekers.
What could be in the wrapped part? And why not wrap it all? It’s a work gift, so it doesn’t have to wait for Christmas right? It would be silly not to at least open the card, so that I could thank the giver today. I would hate to appear selfish.
I realized that though this post would not be published on Tuesday, I could ponder the unwrapping dilemmas as my part of Unwrapped Tuesdays. So ponder I did.
I thought back to the year that I did peek. Did the bold tape removing and replacing tactic. Restacked gifts to cover up the digging for the one gift I had to know more about.
It was the worst Christmas I think I have ever had. I knew I was getting what I wanted. Which should be a relief but it was just a let down. Knowing before getting took away the joy in it.
Years and years later, I unwrapped a gift alone, as instructed, with another episode of knowing before getting playing a sort of deja vu with my head. This time I knew I was getting an insult instead of a gift. A hard, dark truth wrapped up to pretend it was present.
Whether the gift is good or the gift appears to our eyes to be fist in the stomach, foreknowledge will not improve it one bit. That’s the crazy thing about timing. We can’t fast forward our hearts or our eyes. Skip an experience or push it aside and what lies before you will be confusing.
I wasn’t ready for the pretend present when it came. Today I could see it for what it was–a peek into a gift that I would receive this year.
Thank you, friend, for the gift which was long in coming but timed perfectly. My prayer is that you will have eyes to see and treasure the gift of this year.